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Thursday, January 27, 2011
1 sheep, 2 sheep, 3 sheep.....
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Sunday, January 23, 2011
1-23-2011
1. Money
2. School
3. Work (sorta a job... More on that later)
4. Money
5. People in general
6. Money
Ok... Got that out of the way... Just thought to myself I needed to make a list ( that's my Type A, coming out) and now I can move on...
Right now I feel like I am stuck! For anyone who knows me, I have never been at a lack for words! Ha! That's laughable to even think about.. Me being speechless!! But really, there are things that I wish I could say out loud but I can't! Just for the sake of myself! I don't really know how to explain it, other than that! When there's something you want to be able to express but can't, because you are afraid to admit it to yourself even, makes it really difficult to deal with. Usually in these situations I would just talk to Nick, or call Lori or text Ali or Traci, but I can't even do that right now. I can't even come to terms with this myself so, how can I talk to anybody about it. My answer to this problem is just to pray about it, and let God handle it! :-)
Moving on... School is well... Interesting so far... I'm excited because I am actually getting to take some class that are medically related to my field of study! Yahooo! I think I can start to see a flicker of light at this loooonnnnggggg tunnel I've been in for school! But as soon as I get out of this tunnel the next one is right next to it... AKA: Grad school... But it will all be worth it in the end!! Right!?!? Hello??!?!? Anyone???
I would also like to just throw in there that I do appreciate all if u..(1 or 100) that read this and give me some feed back! It's nice to know that my friends and family really do care what's going on in my life and know when I need some support they are always there for me! I love u guys!!
:-) <3
And because a blog with no pictures is boring....
My rockstar baby, always chic and fashionable!
Friday, January 7, 2011
Different Places....
Disclaimer: Okay..I realize that this post will probably have some of you judging me, but with the chance of sounding like a royal bitch, I feel that NO ONE is me, except me, and no one knows what I am feeling and going through right now, so this is just a post to vent for me, and I promised to be open and honest about my life, and this is part of it right now.
I feel that I am living a bi-polar lifestyle right now. There are 2 sides to me right now...not that I am two-faced, but more like two-people. It's really hard and confusing at the same time.
There is this side of me:
The Wife
The Mother
The Family Woman
and I LOVE this life. My family means everything to me I wouldn't change being her Mom for anything. She is my everything and my whole world.
Now...... I am 25 years old and got married VERY young (19). I don't have a regret about getting married young, I just have the regret of not living life to the fullest everyday. Maybe being married so young has something to do with that, because I had to "grow-up" so fast. I had a full time job, and bills, a mortgage, car payments, and all the other crappy responsibilities that come with being an adult. I didn't really get the chance to be immature and irresponsible. That's where life comes into play now.
I'm craving that. I want to go out and have fun. Party with my friends and have no worries. But the issue is I can't! I DO have responsiblities, if nothing else, to be a Mom first and formost. I know that life is in the past, and I can't go back to it completely, but I'm having a hard time understanding, why there can't be a compromise between the 2.
If I have a responsible person I trust to take care of Aubrey, and I'm not out doing stupid or illegal stuff, it's tough for me to not be able to go.
The other thing is that even though Nick and I are onlly 2 1/2 years about, I feel like we are at totally different places in our "social lives". Nick has been sober for 4 years now, and I am soooo proud of him for that. This has nothing to do with that, except that for all the years before that, I was there for him, while he partied and lived it up. I never got my turn to live it up. I think a part of me feels like it's my turn now. Maybe that's selfish of me, but I only have one life and I want to live it to it's fullest.
Anyway, like I said.... judge me if you want, but you have NO IDEA what I am going through right now.
PS: I will try to get Christmas and New Year's up soon! :-)
I feel that I am living a bi-polar lifestyle right now. There are 2 sides to me right now...not that I am two-faced, but more like two-people. It's really hard and confusing at the same time.
There is this side of me:
and I LOVE this life. My family means everything to me I wouldn't change being her Mom for anything. She is my everything and my whole world.
Now...... I am 25 years old and got married VERY young (19). I don't have a regret about getting married young, I just have the regret of not living life to the fullest everyday. Maybe being married so young has something to do with that, because I had to "grow-up" so fast. I had a full time job, and bills, a mortgage, car payments, and all the other crappy responsibilities that come with being an adult. I didn't really get the chance to be immature and irresponsible. That's where life comes into play now.
I'm craving that. I want to go out and have fun. Party with my friends and have no worries. But the issue is I can't! I DO have responsiblities, if nothing else, to be a Mom first and formost. I know that life is in the past, and I can't go back to it completely, but I'm having a hard time understanding, why there can't be a compromise between the 2.
If I have a responsible person I trust to take care of Aubrey, and I'm not out doing stupid or illegal stuff, it's tough for me to not be able to go.
The other thing is that even though Nick and I are onlly 2 1/2 years about, I feel like we are at totally different places in our "social lives". Nick has been sober for 4 years now, and I am soooo proud of him for that. This has nothing to do with that, except that for all the years before that, I was there for him, while he partied and lived it up. I never got my turn to live it up. I think a part of me feels like it's my turn now. Maybe that's selfish of me, but I only have one life and I want to live it to it's fullest.
Anyway, like I said.... judge me if you want, but you have NO IDEA what I am going through right now.
PS: I will try to get Christmas and New Year's up soon! :-)
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