Day 21

~ A photo of myself~

Day 20

~ Nicknames~

Most people just call me Sara.. There's no cool abbreviation to it.... But I've some how acquired some strange "nicknames" over the years...

The typical.. Honey, baby, babe, sweetie, - nick
But he also calls me Goober sometimes which irks me...

My mom called me boo-boo and biscut as a kid

Grandpa called me Pee-dad and rascal and snickelfritz... Haha!

My maiden name was Sara Lane, so a lot of people from school growing up called me Lanie.. Which kinda stayed even after I got married... I mean after all who would want to be called Hoeie?!? LOL!!

Since my mom called me boo-boo, I kinda continued that tradition and call Aubrey boo-bear. She also gets called "A", Lil A, Aubers, stinker, Lil lady, little missy and lady bug! Poor kids not even gonna know her own name! Haha! :-)

Day 19

~Something I Miss~

Okay, this might sound a little strange to her some, and I want to make sure this is NOT taken the wrong way!!! I live my daughter mire than anything, she is my WHOLE life and I wouldn't change that for anything!!!
Okay, so on to what I miss....

1. I miss the spontaneity that life holds without having a child. Nick and I used to do sooo much stuff and it was fun! If we wanted to go out, we went.. If we wanted to go floating.. We went. If we wanted to take a mini vaca, we went.... U get the picture... LOL!
I know I can still do all those things with Aubrey and I love it all, but I miss doing it spontaneously... If that makes any sense...

2. I miss having no "real" stress.... The worst thing I had to worry about as a kid, was what I wanted to wear,( now to a 13 yr old, thats real stress...) ;-)
But now having to worry about how to pay my bills, buy diapers an food is what I'm talking about... Real life is not all it was cracked up to be!

3. Okay, so I'm reluctant to admit this one publicly... but let's make one thing clear... I'm NO way saying I want to be pregnant again or that I want another baby, because I DON'T!!..and we all know I was not a "pretty pregnant girl" like some...(yes Erica, I'm calling u out on that one! :-). ). But I do miss feeling Aubrey kick and move around in my belly. It was probably the best feeling I've ever had in my life! <3

Frustration!!!

I just feel like pulling my hair out and screaming sometimes!!! I feel like EVERYTIME an opportunity looks like it's going to work out amazingly for us..... It does the opposite! I am tired of my family being "crapped" on..... When is this going to get better?!?!? UGH!!!
Everyone please keep us in your prayers, so that things will start looking up for us...

Sent from my iPhone

Day 18

~Something you regret~

There are several things in my life that I wish I would have done differently or in a different order..but not many things that a plain out regret. I will choose to keep some things private and just share with you the things that I wish went differently.

If I could go back and change something, it would be:

Never dropping out of college the first time...it kills me that I would be a Doctor right now, if I had stuck with it, before.

Not partying so much publically...this has only gotten us into trouble.

Not pulling away from some of my good friends....When we got married, I had the mentallity that now Nick was the only person I should be around. I pulled away from almost all of my friends, and now trying to rekindle those relationships is hard.

Not EVER using a credit card....we are in soooooo much debt right now, I don't know if there will ever be a light at the end of the tunnel....but we are working on it.

Not enjoying my life as a kid, before I became an adult.

Not enjoying my pregnancy with Aubrey and those first few months she was here....I feel looking back that all I wanted to do was hurry up and get to the "next stage" of my pregnancy and then the same thing with her, when she was born...I kept rushing to get to the next "milestone"...I should've savored those moments...I can never get them back.... :-(

           Well...that about sums it up, for what I am willing to share on here...after all...ya never know who  reads this! LOL!

Day 17

~Something I'm looking forward to~

Let's start with the near future and work our way forward....

I'm looking forward to:

Nick getting a better job and making more money on better hours.

Our 6th Wedding Anniversary

The Holidays

Snow

Transfering schools to StL

Moving to StL...again!

Vacation next summer

Aubrey learning new things

Graduating school, and getting into a good medical school, and graduating with honors

Opening my own birth center and practicing medicine for many years

Desiging and building our dream house and living there forever.

Brandon and Megan getting married and having babies!! (...I know, I know...they gotta get engaged first! HA!)

My sister having babies

Okay basically anyone, but me having babies! LOL!

Watching Aubrey grow up and become the beautiful young woman she is going to be.

Being married for 50+ years

Becoming a grandma......(in like 30 years! haha!)



There's always going to be things in my life that I look forward to...some of things might even change..but everything will work out it the end...it always does!!

Day 16

~My Dream House~

Well this is my DREAM house, and I mean dream. Not sure if I could ever get something like this, but I guess that's why it's a dream house. So here we go....

The front would look something like this:

I like the Mediterrian style house

The inside of the house looks something like this...of course I would decoate myself in my own style, but you can get an idea:

 Formal living room

 Family room

 The next 2 are the kitchen

 LOVE this bed!

 This is how I want our bedroom windows to be

 Master Bath:

What you can't see is there is a his and hers sink and the toliet area is in it's own "room" with a door that shuts and a fan in there to remove his "stink!" haha!

The shower is a waterfall shower with multiple shower heads on all sides of the ceiling, and it doubles as a steam room. The picture below doesn't show the wooden bench in the shower, but the shower in our house would be larger than this and have a double wooden bench for the steam room. Of course the tub is a jacuzzi tub, that is HUGE and could probably sit 4 comfortably.(Not that there would ever be more than 2! *wink*)

 The master closet

 Aubrey's room

 Playroom

 Media room

 Backyard pool/jacuzzi/grado



I would love to have a HUGE backyard, where Aubrey and all here friends can play. My dream house would have the best of everything, because I want to have the kind of house that is a home, but yet everyone wants to come to. I want everyone in our family to have ample space, (plus some) to keep there stuff and live. I love the elegant look of things, but also be liveable at the same time.

Breakdown;

5 bedrooms

5 baths

3 half baths

pool house

full basement

man cave for Nick

workshop

den/study/library

gourmet kitchen

walk-in pantry

walk-in closets in each bedroom

balcony off master bedroom

secret passage ways for kids to play in

firemans pole for 2 story play room

3+ garage

With all that being said, this is my dream house...however, when Nick and I first got married we drew up plans for a "realistic dream house" , for some reason I can't find the blueprints, but it's 5bd/4.5 baths, ranch style house, with most of the same features as above, just down sized. :-)

Day 15

~bible verse~

Bible verse from our wedding.. <3

1 Corinthians 4-7

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Day 14

~ A picture I love~

Day 13

~Goals~

I think that my goals in life have changed so many times, it makes my head spin to think about it...but here's a list of what going on now:

1. Graduate college.
2. Be accepted to a good medical school and graduate with honors.
3. Be the best mom I can be.
4. Be the best at my future job.
5. Deliver LOTS of babies....(For other people! haha!)
6. Have a better relationship with almost everyone in my life.
7. Find Nick a better job.
8. Get out of this financial canyon we are in.
9. Loose another 25lbs. and NEVER gain them back.
10. Decide if I ever really wanna have another baby.
11. Be a better wife.
12. Become more domesticated....(I was never cut out for this housewife stuff..)
13. Go out with friends more often.
14. Travel to Europe and Australia
15. Take another cruise.
16. Take my family on a vacation EVERY year, like I did as a kid.
17. Live in a foreign country.
18. Design and build my own dream house and live there...FOREVER!
19. Develop more self confidence.
20. Learn to be okay, with whatever happens. and learn to accept it for what it is.


Of course I have more goals than this...I just don't have all night to type them out...(Got a speech to write for class.) There are also some personal goals of mine that I will keep private, but I try to work on them personally.
My biggest goal of all, isn't even on the list....

TO PROVIDE THE BEST FOR AUBREY AND BE THERE FOR HER IN EVERYWAY POSSIBLE. SHOW LOVE AND SUPPORT FOR EVERYTHING SHE DOES IN HER LIFE AND BE THERE TO GUIDE HER IN MAKING GOOD DECISSIONS!!! :-)

Day 12

~What do you Believe~

1. I believe in God.
2. I believe in love.
3. I believe in 2nd chances...for the most part.
4. I believe that even though all things happen for a reason, they don't always turn out for the best.
5. I believe in life we all make mistakes and will try the rest of our lives to make up for them.
6. I believe that children are the future...(yeah I just quoted MJ)
7. I believe in having hope, and trying to see the good in everyone.
8. I believe that everyone enters your life for a reason, some just aren't meant to stay.
9. I believe that hard work, doesn't always pay off.... :(
10. I believe that somethings just weren't meant to be.
11. I believe that somethings were.
12. I believe in having a personal relationship with God, but not having to always attend church.
13. I believe in letting kids be kids, while they can...there's plenty of time for growing up, and it goes too fast.
14. I believe that your heart nevers forgets.
15. I believe that I am the best mom I can be.
16. I believe that some people are just lucky in life.....(I'm not one of them! ha!)
17. I believe that a good run, can fix almost any emotional issue...at that moment.
18. I believe that trust is the key to any relationship.
19. I believe that a good cry never hurt anyone.
20. I believe in my daughter.


(I kinda sound depressed in that post....)

Day 11

~Favorite TV Shows~

With having a 16 month old and going to school full time it's hard to watch TV. I am SOOOO thankful for my friend Mr. DVR, who gets me through some lonely nights while my hubby is at work. Here's what I like to watch the most in no particular order:
:

(Sister Wives)..it has no caption...

Jersey Shore

Day 10

Day 10

~Something your afraid of~

I don't like this topic... Just putting that out there....

1. I'm afraid of being alone! Not just alone really, but without Nick & Aubrey. Those 2 are my life!!! I can't imagine waking up, and them not be right there with me... :-(

2. Spiders & Snakes! Well basically i have a rule... "if it has less than 2 legs or more than 4 it can stay away from me!!" Ewww! Yuck!!! Gross!!! Whatever I don't like bugs & creatures!"

3. Death!
Okay, I know this is something I usually keep personal, but hey, you asked,,, I'll answer. The actually thought of dying isn't what scares me, the thought of meeting my Maker, isn't what scares me... It's the thought of what's going to happen in the world when I'm not here. This fear became more intense after had Aubrey. Now I'm scared of what I'm going to miss in her life. I can't hardly breath when I think about not being here with her.

Okay... I'm going to stop talking about it before I have a panic attack! Ha!

Day 9

~A Picture of Your Friends~

Well, this could be long and very picture filled....I have a lot of friends...some much closer than others, but you could say I'm a pretty social person.

 My best friend is my husband:

It's an old pic from our wedding, but one of my all time fav's of him.

Then I would have to say I have 2 best girlfriends. One whom I've known my whole life and one that I just met a few years ago, btut cait wait until I can "legally" call her my sister! (Hurry up B and propose already! haha!)

Lori & I July 4th 2007

Megan & I August 2010- Cards game

Then of course there are many people that are special to me, but it would take ALL WEEK to upload pic's of all of them. Most people would say, I'm pretty outspoken, so if I like you, you know it, and if I don't, you really know it! Ha! So there's my friends!!

Hmmm...How do I put this nicely....

Ok...I'm going to vent for a second, but also, try to keep this nice a civil....(might get difficult to do, considering the circumstances!)

It's no secret that every relationship/marriage and friendships have their up's and down's...everybody has them, and if you deny it, then you're just lying to yourself.
Maybe Nick and I are going through one of those "down's" right now...

Life is complicated, and people change as they grow up. Anyone who has gotten married young, knows that you can choose to grow up together, or grow up apart. We are choosing to grow up together!
Sometimes things happen in life that put a crimp in your plans, or make things more difficult. If all relationships were easy, then there wouldn't be any great ones. It would be boring!

4 years ago when we packed up and moved to St. Louis, we were adventurous! We had a sparkle in our eyes for challanging the unknown. We were SOOOOO happy in St. Louis! We loved it there! Everything about it, except that our family and friends weren't there. We had no problem coming back to Cape on the weekends to see everybody. But when I got pregnant with Aubrey, we didn't travel so much, and then once we had her, we traveled even less. Money was TIGHT!!! I didn't go back to work outside of the home, but instead WE decided that I would stay home and care for Aubrey, which was a personal decession between Nick and I. Then winter 2009 came. Nick got laid off...it sucked. We had basically emptied out our savings after my paychecks quit coming and his hours got cut because of the seasonal weather. We were BROKE to say the least. We talked about it for awhile, and decided that the best thing for our daughter was to keep me at home with her, but the only way to do that was to move back to Cape for a little while. We listed our house for sale, packed up and moved in with my mom. We planned on staying here, just until our StL house could sell, then we would buy something down here, and settle in. Well...here we are 1 1/2 years on the market total and still no sale! It's ridiculously frustrating knowing how much money we are loosing on that house!
So let's talk for a second about how this effects "us" in our relationship.
Nick took the first job he was offered, just to get some income for us.
It was a midnight shift, making bascially crap money..but hey, it was something...we planned it to be VERY temporary... :-(
So here's a list of things that I just need to say:
1. I sleep without my husband at least 4 out of 7 night every week.
2. We have to say prayers with our daughter via phone call.
3. I feel like a single parent.
4. I am lonely, most of the time.
5. I miss my best friend.
6. I rarely get to have adult conversations.
7. My school is suffereing because he's not here to help me with Aubrey.
8. He has missed almost every "milestone" she has accomplished so far.
9. When Aubrey and I are awake, he's asleep, when he's awake, he's at work, and we are asleep.
10. My heart feels empty without him here.

Okay....so wipe the tears away from my face, and get past the emotional part....
here's where I might get cranky!

So with all that said, I guess, we have sparked some speculation that things are "not right" with us...or that our marriage is in trouble.
This has prompted people to "search" for answers... or dig around to get us to talk about it.
Well.... if we wanted to talk about it people, we would!!
If anyone wants to know something, they should come out and asked Nick or I, not "ask around" to see if anybody knows anything. They don't!!
So here is the answer to the big questions:

1. Is our marriage in trouble?   NO
2. Are we divorcing/seperating? NO
3. Are we moving back to St. Louis? YES
4. Are we happy and in love? YES very much so.
5. Are we depressed about our financial situation? Definately
6. Is Nick suffering heartache in this too? YES of course, he misses his wife and daughter.
7. Is this anyone's business but ours? Not really but I guess I'm putting it out there to clear the air.



Okay...so if there is nothing more to be asked or said...I'd like to drop the subject and go back to being a happy wife and mother.
 :)


P.S.     I know that there are families that deal with worse situations (ie. Military) and such, but this is breaking my heart, so I want to talk about it. I am not anywhere near strong enough to be apart of a military family. My support and respect goes out to them sooo much! (Just to name a few. Thank you being the strong families that our country needs: Haff Family, Clymer Family, Floyd Family, Farrar Family, Barker Family, we appreciate you and everything you do!)

Day 8

~A Place you have traveled~

I have traveled a lot... well not a lot to some people, and definately not enough... but when I was younger my parents always took us on at least one family vacation every year. I love, Love, LOVE, L.O.V.E. the beach and everything about it! Nick had never been to the beach in all his years.. so I was determined to get him there soon. We decided that his first time, would also be Aubrey's first time, and that would be something special they could share. This past August (2010) we decided to go to Panama City Beach, Destin, Pensacola Beach and Navera (sp?) Beach. Then we would go over to New Orleans for 2 days so he could see that too. It was an amazing trip and I wish I could have stayed there. Watching my daughter's face light up and giggle when the ways crashed up on her feet were priceless. But to see my best friend, my husband get to experience something so powerful and emotional as the ocean for the first time was perfet! Here's some pic's from the trip:

 First time touching the water:

 View from our room in PCB

 Bourbon Street, New Orleans

Day 7

Favorite Movies


Just to name a few! Nick and I LOVE to watch movies!! These are a few of my all time fav's so far....