And the walls came falling down....

I don't really know what to say right now... I'm kinda at a loss for words. And anyone that knows me well, knows that means there is something really wrong with me right now! I kinda want to talk about it but I can't. These emotions are too much right now. I wish everything would just go back to the way it was. I don't know how much more I can take......I know that God only gives us what he knows we can handle, but geez, come on!!! I know that situations and people come in and out of your life for a reason, but it still hurts when it's a major change in your life and their gone. I know we just have to stick together and get through this... But right now it just feels like the walls of my life are falling down all around me.....

The Many Wrong Assumptions of a Stay at Home Mommy!

Ok...let's just put this out there: I am not bashing either side of the fence on this one...to each their own!, BUT.... I would like to make a point that not all things people think about the SAHM situation is true and POV...let's dive right in, shall we??

1. I am rich, therefore, I don't have to work, and staying home is a luxury...

I find this hysterically funny that people think that...I am not now, nor have I ever been rich enough to not have to work. The fact of the matter is, I can't afford to put Aubrey in an accredited dayschool, or I would might, now. I always planned that I would go back to work sometime, it's just with focusing on school (good grades = good med school...kinda important in my field...) and enjoying my time with Aubrey, I don't have the schedule to go to work. I have debated putting her in a part time preschool, but she needs to be 2 y/o and potty trained before they will take her...otherwise it's just daycare... :(

2. I lay around all day in my pajamas and watch The View....
Again...I LOL! I may not have to get dressed up everyday, and have my hair and make-up perfect all day everyday, but for anyone that has a 17 month old, you know, THEY ARE QUICK!! She is into everything, and has the attention span of a 1 y/o..(no pun intended, it's just true!) I may get to be in sweats most of the day, but by the end of the day, I am exhausted from running and playing all day, it takes a lot of energy to be a take care of a toddler.

3. I'm lazy and have no motivation to work or do anything...
For you people that think that, well....you don't know me! I've never been lazy, (except when I was HUGE 9 months pregnant and on bedrest..) But it's a given...I was ordered by a medical professional to be lazy while fat! :)

4. It's not "Real" work
Here's a quick math lesson for you...
Typical work week for people outside the home...
5 days/week X 8 hrs/day = 40 hr/week   minus  1. quiet drive time in the car
                                                                         2. lunch breaks
                                                                         3. bathroom breaks
                                                                         4. Adult conversations

My work week:
7 days/week X 24 hrs/day =  168 hrs. week    minus 1. 1.5 hour nap a day
                                                                                 2. NO lunch/bathroom breaks
                                                                                 3. My conversations for the day consist of
         "Hi Mama!" "Hi Dada!" (even though he's at work) "Hi Dawsie!" (Dawson the dog), "Hi Ry-ry"(the cat)
"Oh Melmo!"(elmo) "juice" "cow" "pupa"(puppy) and her grabing my purse and keys banging the front door saying "Ba-bye, Mama, Go Ba-bye!"  <3

With that being said...I wouldn't change any of it for anything in the world! She is the best thing that ever came into my life. She is my everything!!

5. I don't work because I'm not intelligent or have a poor education...
Wrong, wrong, wrong! I had an amzaing job that I LOVED before I became a SAHM, I would at St. Luke's hospital as a medical assistant. I did everything for that doctor, and it took a lot of medical knowledge to do my job. After becoming a SAHM, I came to realize that I wouldn't be satisfied going back to that job though. I wanted more. I wanted to treat the patients, not assist. I want to write prescriptions, and counsel patients, not stand there and shake my head agreeing. So I decided it would be the perfect time to go back to school. So I did! I am Pre-Med major and after this semester will have a 3.3 GPA (stupid biological reasonings class!)...anyone who has taken college classes, knows it's not easy, and for those that haven't,,,,well you have no room to talk!...just sayin.....


That is just a very few...but like a said before,,,, I have a very busy day...ALL the time, so no time to sit and blog all day...haha! Baby's waking up....(for those of you who wondered how I had time to type this up...she does nap.."sometimes".... :) And again.... I WOULDN'T TRADE MY SAHM LIFE FOR ANYTHING!!!

I give up...

I give up on trying to do these "blog challanges"... :-(

Many of you might not quite understand, that I truthfully don't have time to blog everyday...see my next post (The Many Wrong Assumptions of a Stay at Home Mommy!)
I have tried to make it a point to a least check my google reader, once a day and stay up to date on everybody elses success at the challanges, but I will admit, that I am failing said challange!
So with that said, I am making the only promise to myself and my followers (if there are any of you out there...yes blog stalkers, you count as followers, even though you don't make yourself known...we know you are there.... )
I will post as often as I can, when time, school, baby allows.....which in my cases, is rare...but hey, it's worth a try... :)

My heart melts....

After being up til after 3am writing a paper, I go into my room only to find this:
As if it isn't hard enough to focus on writing a paper, now I feel empty because he got all the snuggles... :-(
Oh well, glad the hubs doesn't follow my blog.. He might have a fit to find a sleeping, shirtless pic of him online.. LOL! 
<3 The loves of my life! <3

Black Friday!!

Well... I'm standing in line at Kohl's in Crestwood.. & it looks like I will be here for awhile! Ha! At least we're inside, & it's warm! I haven't been to bed yet... I've been up since 8:30 on thanksgiving morning!! I'm sooooo sleepy!!! I found some amazing sales and I'm saving a crazy amount of money, but part of me feels like this is nuts and not worth being so tired tomorrow.... I'll post a recap of my progress later! Check back!! :-)

Day 3- Most meaningful gift you've ever received

This is a tough one! I don't think I have a "most meaningful gift".Every year, is different and it means something special to me, than any other year. I really think the most meaningful gift I've ever received, happens every year. I get to spend time with my family and friends that mean the world to me. To see everyones smiling faces, knowing that we are all together, even if it only happens that once a year. Now having Aubrey for the second Christmas, (third if you count, being in my belly!) getting to see her facial expressions and excitement is the best gift I could ask for. <3

Day 2 - Black Friday tips.

I don't really have a Black Friday tradition... Sad, I know.... I never stand in the lines overnight or wait 5 hours to buy something...
I get up at mid- morning, and stop by whatever stores I think might have a good sale and not be crazy inside with people.
So boring, I know....

12 Days of Christmas Blog Challage

Might as well join in the fun! LOL!

Day 1- Christmas/ Holiday Traditions

We don't really have any Thankgiving Day traditions, but we always get together and EAT!
We have lunch at my mom's then we go to Nick's Uncle David and Aunt Dina's for "late lunch" then we go down to Delta, to see Nick's Dad's side of the family. Needless to say, we are VERY full by the end of the day. Ha!

For Christmas Traditions: When I was a kid, we would go down to my Grandma Lane's in Sikeston, Mo and spend the night. We'd get up on Christmas morning, and open presents with my aunts and uncles and cousins. We always had fun. I remember one Christmas getting my cousin James, to play "Pretty Pretty Princess" with my sister and I, (since we are the only girls, and my cousins are all boys!) They usuall amused us and went along with our "girlie games"! James looked fabulous in his clip on earings, peral necklace, and rings, he even won and got to wear the crown...(if I only had the pictures to prove this really did happen! Aunt Tracey, can you help me out?? Haha!)  After we would leave there, we would go to my Grandma and Grandpa Rees's for the rest of the day, and open presents with my mom's side of the family. Such great memories!

Now that Nick and I are married, we have to run, run, run like crazy to see everyone for Christmas! and it's only got worse since we had Aubrey. We start off on Christmas Eve, by going to Candlelight Service at church with my mom, then we head to Nick's Grandma & Grandpa Floyds to eat, watch the Christmas Story marathon, yuck (which is not my favorite tradition) but one they've had for 25 or so years. We always play the "dirty santa" game with $5 gag gifts, and then exchange gifts that we had drawn names for at Thanksgiving. It's always sooooo much fun to have all the cousins together and now the babies of the cousins. Can't believe I've been with this family for 10 Christmas's now!! I love them!
we take a family picture every year, but for some reason I can only find the past 2 years.

2008

2009

In the 2009 picture, 2 of our cousins Joe and Tylor, we deployed and unable to be with us, but we had to include them in the picture, because they are always in our hearts and prayers! So glad they are going to be able to be home with us this year to celebrate the holidays! Now if we can just manage to convince, get  demand, encourage, Jake and Erica and the babies, to come back from San Diego, we will be complete again!!

After we leave there, Nick and I usually go back to my mom's house and stay the night, because we live 2 hours away. We get up the next morning and open presents first by ourselves, in our room, (something we've done since we got married!) then we head upstairs to open presents with my parents. After that we head to Delta for lunch and to see his Dad's side of the family. Then it's back to my Grandpa & Grandma Rees's for early dinner/snack, and if m Grandma Lane comes from Sikeston that saves us a trip, but if not we stop in Sikeston, on the way back from Delta.

After a total of 36 hours of non-stop go go go, we finally head back home, and RELAX!!

We always have a hectic schedule at the holidays, but family is sooo important to us, that we deal with the stress and appreciate the time we get with those we love.

Here's just a fun pic from last year! God I LOVE this kid!!

30 Day Blog...Catch up! Day 24-30

I said I would finish this 30 day blog challage..and even though I'm waaaaay late! I'm not a quiter and am going to finish! We finally got internet hooked back up at the StL house, so I can blog much easier now! Yay! So hear comes a VERY Loooooong post....better have a seat, it's gonna be awhile!

Day 24- Something I've learned.
I've learned that:
Things don't always turn out as you plan, but God has a plan for everything.
My family matters the most to me! All of them!
Somethings never change.
Some feeling never change, but the good ones get better and better!
Life is really like a box of chocolates...you never know what your gonna get...maybe even one filled with nuts!
The stars are peacful!
Being a mom is the best gift God ever gave me!
Live each day to the fullest, you never know when you won't have tomorrow.
Smile
Don't regret your past, it's your past and it was good at once, but it's your past for a reason.
Love with your whole heart
Don't sweat the small stuff.


Day 25- iPod shuffle, first 10 songs.
1. Your Love- Nicki Minaj
2. Famous in a small town- Miranda Lambert
3.Can't be Tamed- Miley Cyrus
4. American Honey- Lady Antebellum
5. Winner- Jamie Foxx Ft. Justin Timberlake
6. Rock That Body- Black Eyed Peas
7. You and Me- Nitty Gritty Band
8. Life After You- Daughtry
9. Only Girl in the World- Rihanna
10. My first Kiss- 3OH!3 feat. Ke$ha

...wow! I'm random!

Day 26- Family Pic

 Day 27- Pets

We have a dog named Dawson

and a crazy cat name Maryiah, but we all call her Ry-ry!

Day 28- Something that stresses me!

1. School

2. Money

3. School

4. Money

5. Drama

6. School

7. Money

Yeah...I think that about sums it up...LOL!

Day 29- Wishes

1. Long healthy life for me and my family

2. good grades

3. Finances to work themselves out

4. My daughter to grow up in a safe happy world

Day 30- A picture

This is us from Halloween this year! We were Tarzan, Jane and a Monkey! So cute!!

The catch up!

Our Internet should be turned on tomorrow night! ... Finally!! Yay!! So I plan on posting like a crazy woman over the weekend to get caught up all my blogging! I'll be in Cape again Saturday, but Sunday, it's blog day! LOL!!

~S~

We are still alive!

For my 4 followers.. Ha! I wanted to let you know we are still alive and have not fallen off the face of the earth, yet!
Just been super crazy over the top busy the past few days! I'll explain later... And catch up on my 30 day blog postings! :-)

Happy Saturday!!

Day 23

~ My Favorite Vacation~

My favorite vacation is well.... A toss up! Ha!
First my favorite vacation would be my senior trip!
We (my best friend Lori and me) went on a cruise to Cozumel and Playa de Carmen Mexico! It was gorgeous!!! We partied like no body's business too! Ha!
It was such an amazing experience for the fun part or it!!
I can't find the pictures from it right now... :-(

But I would have to say my all time favorite vaca would have to be our most recent trip to Florida. Getting to watch Nick and Aubrey experience the ocean for the first time was incredible! Watching the 2 people I love more than anything enjoying something together for the first time is priceless! Not to mention it was a lot of fun too!

Here's some pics of that trip!

View from our room

Day 22

~My Favorite City~

I would have to say my favorite city has always and still is St. Louis! I LOVE it there! I love everything about it! There is always something to do and  a lot of stuff is free. We have the zoo, the arch Grant's Farm, the City Museum, Six Flags/ waterpark, Botanical Garens,  Science Center, Fox Theatre, Forest Park...just to name a few. They have the most fabulous resturants there too! You can always find something to satisfy any craving within a few miles of wherever you are.
And of course the awesome sports teams! GO BLUES!, GO RAMS!...and my fav...GO CARDS!!!!
Here's some really old pics...(2006 or 2007 I think...), because a blog with no pic's is no fun...haha!

Day 21

~ A photo of myself~

Day 20

~ Nicknames~

Most people just call me Sara.. There's no cool abbreviation to it.... But I've some how acquired some strange "nicknames" over the years...

The typical.. Honey, baby, babe, sweetie, - nick
But he also calls me Goober sometimes which irks me...

My mom called me boo-boo and biscut as a kid

Grandpa called me Pee-dad and rascal and snickelfritz... Haha!

My maiden name was Sara Lane, so a lot of people from school growing up called me Lanie.. Which kinda stayed even after I got married... I mean after all who would want to be called Hoeie?!? LOL!!

Since my mom called me boo-boo, I kinda continued that tradition and call Aubrey boo-bear. She also gets called "A", Lil A, Aubers, stinker, Lil lady, little missy and lady bug! Poor kids not even gonna know her own name! Haha! :-)

Day 19

~Something I Miss~

Okay, this might sound a little strange to her some, and I want to make sure this is NOT taken the wrong way!!! I live my daughter mire than anything, she is my WHOLE life and I wouldn't change that for anything!!!
Okay, so on to what I miss....

1. I miss the spontaneity that life holds without having a child. Nick and I used to do sooo much stuff and it was fun! If we wanted to go out, we went.. If we wanted to go floating.. We went. If we wanted to take a mini vaca, we went.... U get the picture... LOL!
I know I can still do all those things with Aubrey and I love it all, but I miss doing it spontaneously... If that makes any sense...

2. I miss having no "real" stress.... The worst thing I had to worry about as a kid, was what I wanted to wear,( now to a 13 yr old, thats real stress...) ;-)
But now having to worry about how to pay my bills, buy diapers an food is what I'm talking about... Real life is not all it was cracked up to be!

3. Okay, so I'm reluctant to admit this one publicly... but let's make one thing clear... I'm NO way saying I want to be pregnant again or that I want another baby, because I DON'T!!..and we all know I was not a "pretty pregnant girl" like some...(yes Erica, I'm calling u out on that one! :-). ). But I do miss feeling Aubrey kick and move around in my belly. It was probably the best feeling I've ever had in my life! <3

Frustration!!!

I just feel like pulling my hair out and screaming sometimes!!! I feel like EVERYTIME an opportunity looks like it's going to work out amazingly for us..... It does the opposite! I am tired of my family being "crapped" on..... When is this going to get better?!?!? UGH!!!
Everyone please keep us in your prayers, so that things will start looking up for us...

Sent from my iPhone

Day 18

~Something you regret~

There are several things in my life that I wish I would have done differently or in a different order..but not many things that a plain out regret. I will choose to keep some things private and just share with you the things that I wish went differently.

If I could go back and change something, it would be:

Never dropping out of college the first time...it kills me that I would be a Doctor right now, if I had stuck with it, before.

Not partying so much publically...this has only gotten us into trouble.

Not pulling away from some of my good friends....When we got married, I had the mentallity that now Nick was the only person I should be around. I pulled away from almost all of my friends, and now trying to rekindle those relationships is hard.

Not EVER using a credit card....we are in soooooo much debt right now, I don't know if there will ever be a light at the end of the tunnel....but we are working on it.

Not enjoying my life as a kid, before I became an adult.

Not enjoying my pregnancy with Aubrey and those first few months she was here....I feel looking back that all I wanted to do was hurry up and get to the "next stage" of my pregnancy and then the same thing with her, when she was born...I kept rushing to get to the next "milestone"...I should've savored those moments...I can never get them back.... :-(

           Well...that about sums it up, for what I am willing to share on here...after all...ya never know who  reads this! LOL!

Day 17

~Something I'm looking forward to~

Let's start with the near future and work our way forward....

I'm looking forward to:

Nick getting a better job and making more money on better hours.

Our 6th Wedding Anniversary

The Holidays

Snow

Transfering schools to StL

Moving to StL...again!

Vacation next summer

Aubrey learning new things

Graduating school, and getting into a good medical school, and graduating with honors

Opening my own birth center and practicing medicine for many years

Desiging and building our dream house and living there forever.

Brandon and Megan getting married and having babies!! (...I know, I know...they gotta get engaged first! HA!)

My sister having babies

Okay basically anyone, but me having babies! LOL!

Watching Aubrey grow up and become the beautiful young woman she is going to be.

Being married for 50+ years

Becoming a grandma......(in like 30 years! haha!)



There's always going to be things in my life that I look forward to...some of things might even change..but everything will work out it the end...it always does!!

Day 16

~My Dream House~

Well this is my DREAM house, and I mean dream. Not sure if I could ever get something like this, but I guess that's why it's a dream house. So here we go....

The front would look something like this:

I like the Mediterrian style house

The inside of the house looks something like this...of course I would decoate myself in my own style, but you can get an idea:

 Formal living room

 Family room

 The next 2 are the kitchen

 LOVE this bed!

 This is how I want our bedroom windows to be

 Master Bath:

What you can't see is there is a his and hers sink and the toliet area is in it's own "room" with a door that shuts and a fan in there to remove his "stink!" haha!

The shower is a waterfall shower with multiple shower heads on all sides of the ceiling, and it doubles as a steam room. The picture below doesn't show the wooden bench in the shower, but the shower in our house would be larger than this and have a double wooden bench for the steam room. Of course the tub is a jacuzzi tub, that is HUGE and could probably sit 4 comfortably.(Not that there would ever be more than 2! *wink*)

 The master closet

 Aubrey's room

 Playroom

 Media room

 Backyard pool/jacuzzi/grado



I would love to have a HUGE backyard, where Aubrey and all here friends can play. My dream house would have the best of everything, because I want to have the kind of house that is a home, but yet everyone wants to come to. I want everyone in our family to have ample space, (plus some) to keep there stuff and live. I love the elegant look of things, but also be liveable at the same time.

Breakdown;

5 bedrooms

5 baths

3 half baths

pool house

full basement

man cave for Nick

workshop

den/study/library

gourmet kitchen

walk-in pantry

walk-in closets in each bedroom

balcony off master bedroom

secret passage ways for kids to play in

firemans pole for 2 story play room

3+ garage

With all that being said, this is my dream house...however, when Nick and I first got married we drew up plans for a "realistic dream house" , for some reason I can't find the blueprints, but it's 5bd/4.5 baths, ranch style house, with most of the same features as above, just down sized. :-)

Day 15

~bible verse~

Bible verse from our wedding.. <3

1 Corinthians 4-7

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Day 14

~ A picture I love~

Day 13

~Goals~

I think that my goals in life have changed so many times, it makes my head spin to think about it...but here's a list of what going on now:

1. Graduate college.
2. Be accepted to a good medical school and graduate with honors.
3. Be the best mom I can be.
4. Be the best at my future job.
5. Deliver LOTS of babies....(For other people! haha!)
6. Have a better relationship with almost everyone in my life.
7. Find Nick a better job.
8. Get out of this financial canyon we are in.
9. Loose another 25lbs. and NEVER gain them back.
10. Decide if I ever really wanna have another baby.
11. Be a better wife.
12. Become more domesticated....(I was never cut out for this housewife stuff..)
13. Go out with friends more often.
14. Travel to Europe and Australia
15. Take another cruise.
16. Take my family on a vacation EVERY year, like I did as a kid.
17. Live in a foreign country.
18. Design and build my own dream house and live there...FOREVER!
19. Develop more self confidence.
20. Learn to be okay, with whatever happens. and learn to accept it for what it is.


Of course I have more goals than this...I just don't have all night to type them out...(Got a speech to write for class.) There are also some personal goals of mine that I will keep private, but I try to work on them personally.
My biggest goal of all, isn't even on the list....

TO PROVIDE THE BEST FOR AUBREY AND BE THERE FOR HER IN EVERYWAY POSSIBLE. SHOW LOVE AND SUPPORT FOR EVERYTHING SHE DOES IN HER LIFE AND BE THERE TO GUIDE HER IN MAKING GOOD DECISSIONS!!! :-)

Day 12

~What do you Believe~

1. I believe in God.
2. I believe in love.
3. I believe in 2nd chances...for the most part.
4. I believe that even though all things happen for a reason, they don't always turn out for the best.
5. I believe in life we all make mistakes and will try the rest of our lives to make up for them.
6. I believe that children are the future...(yeah I just quoted MJ)
7. I believe in having hope, and trying to see the good in everyone.
8. I believe that everyone enters your life for a reason, some just aren't meant to stay.
9. I believe that hard work, doesn't always pay off.... :(
10. I believe that somethings just weren't meant to be.
11. I believe that somethings were.
12. I believe in having a personal relationship with God, but not having to always attend church.
13. I believe in letting kids be kids, while they can...there's plenty of time for growing up, and it goes too fast.
14. I believe that your heart nevers forgets.
15. I believe that I am the best mom I can be.
16. I believe that some people are just lucky in life.....(I'm not one of them! ha!)
17. I believe that a good run, can fix almost any emotional issue...at that moment.
18. I believe that trust is the key to any relationship.
19. I believe that a good cry never hurt anyone.
20. I believe in my daughter.


(I kinda sound depressed in that post....)

Day 11

~Favorite TV Shows~

With having a 16 month old and going to school full time it's hard to watch TV. I am SOOOO thankful for my friend Mr. DVR, who gets me through some lonely nights while my hubby is at work. Here's what I like to watch the most in no particular order:
:

(Sister Wives)..it has no caption...

Jersey Shore

Day 10

Day 10

~Something your afraid of~

I don't like this topic... Just putting that out there....

1. I'm afraid of being alone! Not just alone really, but without Nick & Aubrey. Those 2 are my life!!! I can't imagine waking up, and them not be right there with me... :-(

2. Spiders & Snakes! Well basically i have a rule... "if it has less than 2 legs or more than 4 it can stay away from me!!" Ewww! Yuck!!! Gross!!! Whatever I don't like bugs & creatures!"

3. Death!
Okay, I know this is something I usually keep personal, but hey, you asked,,, I'll answer. The actually thought of dying isn't what scares me, the thought of meeting my Maker, isn't what scares me... It's the thought of what's going to happen in the world when I'm not here. This fear became more intense after had Aubrey. Now I'm scared of what I'm going to miss in her life. I can't hardly breath when I think about not being here with her.

Okay... I'm going to stop talking about it before I have a panic attack! Ha!

Day 9

~A Picture of Your Friends~

Well, this could be long and very picture filled....I have a lot of friends...some much closer than others, but you could say I'm a pretty social person.

 My best friend is my husband:

It's an old pic from our wedding, but one of my all time fav's of him.

Then I would have to say I have 2 best girlfriends. One whom I've known my whole life and one that I just met a few years ago, btut cait wait until I can "legally" call her my sister! (Hurry up B and propose already! haha!)

Lori & I July 4th 2007

Megan & I August 2010- Cards game

Then of course there are many people that are special to me, but it would take ALL WEEK to upload pic's of all of them. Most people would say, I'm pretty outspoken, so if I like you, you know it, and if I don't, you really know it! Ha! So there's my friends!!