Sticky situations and the such...

Well I know I promised to try to blog more positively but I guess it's a good thing that I'm usually to happy to blog and since it's been a few months since I have, that means things have been positive! I'm not saying this isn't positive, it's just sticky....
So, it's no big secret that I have had a change in lifestyle lately. I have friends, I go out, & I really act like I'm in my 20's not in my 60's like I was... Apparently this has sparked some speculation that I'm a bad mom... If u for one second believe that you shoul stop reading now, because we are not friends... & you van jump off a cliff for all I care..
Anyway, I don't know why I really even feel the need to clarify myself, because honestly I don't give a crap what people think of me and my parenting. But here goes anyway... When I go anywhere it is almost always after Aubrey goes to bed and she has no idea that I'm even gone. I'm there with her when she wakes up & that's all she cares about. To me thatches me a good mom. But I have addressed this before and apparently it's still some people's business to discuss it... To those of u... That cliff is waiting. :-)
Now, I have been dealing with some things lately that I don't really want to talk about on here, but instead just remind myself to follow your heart and live with no regrets! Life istoo short and you only get one, so live each day pike it could be your last and tell someone you love them, because this may be your only chance.
School and work are starting back this week. I can't even begin to tell you the amount of stress I already feel and it hasn't even started yet. I will save my fall schedule for another post. Now I must sleep, going to the lake tomorrow with my parents to get a little more sun, before it's too late and it starts snowing! :-/

Did u say it?

Did u say it?
I love u
I don't ever want to live without u
U changed my life
Did u say it?
Make a plan
Set a goal
Work toward it
But every now and then look around
Drink it in
Cuz this is it
It might all be gone tomorrow

Awkward days= awkward blogging...

So I feel that lately my blog posts have been all generic.. Nothing to emotion filled, just the basic updates... Well I'm about to explode with emotion, and I don't know where to go with this. I tend to have a major "word vomit" problem.. As in I meet someone and within 15 min they are running for the hills because I have laid out all my problems from my whole life to them! I'm going to try not to do that here.. So if the blog is chopped up and random, it's because I erased and cut the personal details out... I promised to be open, but come on people... Something are for in my head only.. So deal with it.
#1- I feel as if I'm going through a quarter life crisis. I can't help it. It all started around my 25th bday. I just realized literally overnight that I hadn't dome anything for me in a long time, if ever really! I made a choice to go back to school, get a job, rekindle old friendships and make some rockstar new ones! The hard part us trying to explain to people that I'm not crazy, or a bad wife or mom, but that I'm just me. I'm just trying to find my way through life. I don't want to live by someone else's rules, & I'm not going to change the way I feel or do things just because someone is trying to judge me. The only true judge will be God, & he lives me no matter what!
With that being said, I will admit that I like to go out, I like being around my friends and doing things outside of staying at my house, watching the TiVo or going to sleep. That doesn't make me a bad mom, actually it makes me a good mom, because I never take time away from A for myself. I take the time that she is sleeping and utilize it! I see people all the time that leave their kids for full days everyday for work and school and other things and the don't get scrutinized for it. I am not for one second saying that is bad to do, I work and go to school too, so I balance my time differently during summer/winter breaks. It makes me a better
Mom to step away sometimes and see how much I want to be with Aubrey.
#2- we all make mistakes in our lives.. U have to learn to let go and move on, or it will eat u alive inside.
#3- it's okay to cry if your hurting, the pain just means the feeling was real and now you're sad about it. No problem, let the tears flow and you'll feel better after.
#5- I'm getting 2 new tattoos. One will he a cross with heart/wings on my wrist, the other will have something to do with the word. "live fearless, with no regrets." in script, possibly Latin on my ribcage.
#6- I'm going to make a solid effort to blog about happier things sometime.

Thank you, that's all!
:-)

Aubrey's 2!!!!

Because Blogger hates me, it never uploads my post's from my phone correctly....

Now, before anyone goes ape shit.. The first 2 pics are from ultrasounds I had with Aubrey...NO I'm NOT pregnant and don't ever plan on being pregnant again... Okay so now moving on.... Yes the first 2 are her ultrasounds at 15 & 20 weeks gestation...next is her at 1 minute old... Then we have her 1 year photoshoot which was on her 1st birthday exactly, and the last was a pic I took on her 2nd bday at the waterpark.. It was freezing but she had a blast! The reason we didn't have her 2 year photoshoot on her birthday this year is because 4 days ago she had a "fight" with the bathroom cabinet and well.. It won...(notice the chunk out of her forehead...) *sadface*..... Anyway.. We decided to just wait til it heals and do it then along with family portraits b/c we haven't has them done since she was 9 months old.. Oops! So here's my little baby girl growing up waaaay too fast!!!

*more on her birthday and events after her party and I can post everything all at once...also I have months of blogs to catch up on too... So if I get a chance to, be prepares for blog overload! Ha!*

Princess Cutness!

I just felt the need to share how stinkin cute she really is, not to mention a total ham for the Camera!!
She says,"Mommy!! Auby (Aubrey in her words! Ha!) said cheesy.. Mommy take picture!" LMAO!! She's too much sometimes!!

Joining the Tweeting Nation

So I broke down and actually started using my Twitter account!
You can now follow me at:
@SaraLaneHobeck

Happy Tweets! Lol! :-)

Alberts Homerun

Albert's Homerun to win the sweep against the Cubs! 6-5-2011!!!!

Sunday Funday!!

What an awesome Sunday Funday!
Cards swept the Cubs and we were there to witness it! Amazing homerun by Albert in the tenth to win it!!
Then on to B & Megan's for some Ghetto slip n slide after!!
Epic weekend!!!

Florida Day 1

First view of the ocean after we drove 15 hours overnight, with no sleep, on nothing but 5 hr energy, Redbull & coffee! Soooo worth it!

Happy Easter 2011

Deception..

I do not feel the need to go into details about this specific situation, but I want to document my life and remember everything, so this should jar my memories...
I can't believe sometimes how people can act or be to/about other people.
There is a very fine line that u don't cross, and someone crossed it with me!! I'm not sure exactly how to handle this whole situation, but I do know I need to be quiet about it, because it involves other people too! Anyway... Let's see how this all turns out!!

Another Big Girl Milestone!

Night before last was Aubrey's first night all alone in her own room!! She was such a big girl!!
I went ahead and put her to sleep in my bed, but then once she was out, I moved her to her bed. She slept there all night til about 4:30a, when she came in my room, and poked my arm and said, "mommy, mommy! Auby (that's what she calls herself!) go nite nite with mommy!" so, I pulled her in bed with me and we snuggled! It was the best!!
The room still needs some more touches, so when it's 100% done, pics will be shared, Promise!!

Bipolar Mother Nature

Dear Mother Nature,

I am just going to come out and say it... Mother Nature you are a beaotch!!!

This crap of warm/sunny/beautiful one day and cold/rainy/miserable the next, has got to stop! I know I'm sick of it, and so is the entire Midwest! Suck it up, get on with spring, (rain is one thing, but being bipolar with the temperature, is another!) and quickly move to summer!
Momma needs to loose some weight and destress, and I do this by running.... And I'm not running in this crap! Please and thank you! ~Sara

Today is a National Holiday to me!!!

It's opening day!!!! Today should be a national holiday!!!!

GO CARDS!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Trying to make time...

I have been taking on so much lately, that it seems my relationship with my bed and pillow is suffering! We've had a few rough patches before..(certian lady I like to call Lil A)... But this time it's serious! I think we need counseling, before it files for divorce! We have only been able to spend a very few ( as in about 3-4) hours a night together... And I completely agree with the fact that is extremely to little!
I just want to tell my bed how sorry I am for my lack of attention, and will seriously putt forth a better effort to hang out more! I REALLY do miss you!!
<3

A realization for myself!

I have been dealing with some stuff personally lately.. It's not a secret, but what is kept private, is what I'm dealing with. I also appreciate the fact that people respect privacy (and will continue to!) and not ask me about it. If I wanted to talk about specifics with anyone, I will, or already would have.
Anyway... Here is my realization:

1. I have always been so worried about what people thought of me and what I did. I was always so worried about the whole, "OMG, if I'm not this certain way, I won't be liked or accepted!" well I have a answer for that..... "F" that!! I am who I am and will be who I am, if someone doesn't like me for that, then it is their loss, because I will still be fabulous without them!! :-)

2. Judgey People can suck it too! I am tired of people judging me and what I do. I'm not perfect, nor do I pretend to be, but neither are they! People need to stop trying to judge the kind of wife I am, or mom I am, or even just a woman in general. If I am happy with the way I conduct myself and with who I conduct it with, then everyone else should be too!

3. Life will go on, with or without me!
I am 25 years old, & I need to start acting like it! Maybe I was all uptight and stuff before because I was married as a toddler..(well 19, but still!) I had a baby at (barely) 24! I am not saying I'm gonna go out and be a crazy irresponsible fool.. I mean I still have to come home to be a Mama! But I mean stuff like, having girls night out, or playing sand v-ball and softball this summer. Running, because it makes me feel good, and hanging out with my friends, because they love me, and are the best!! And excuse the hell out of me if we happen to go to a bar to play darts or God forbid have a drink, (or 2!) , because last time I checked I was 25 and all of those "horrible" things are legal!!

4. I wish people had the balls to talk about me to my face! If someone has something to say about me, be man/woman enough to tell ME how u feel, not that it will probably matter to me, but if you feel the need to talk about me, don't try to hide it and talk behind my back! I have ears everywhere, and myTRUE friends don't think twice about telling me word for word what you really think about me!

5. If things are meant to be, they will be! I'm tired of basically feeling guilty for not forcing thongs to happen. You can't always plan you're whole future when you're so young. Mistakes will happen! Some big and some small, some even huge! But have no regrets, and live each day like it's your last, because it might be!!

<3 ~ S ~

Getting closer...

I'm soooo excited about Aubrey's new room!! I seriously can't wait to share pictures of it! We did the drywall primer tonight and will do the base white coat tomorrow. Then will do the boarders and stenciling Friday! Ceiling and carpet saturday, along with moving her in. She is tentatively set to sleep in her very own room for the first night ever Saturday night!!! Yahoo!!!

Aubrey moves out... Finally!! :-)

Like any other excited parents we were anxious to decorate and build a nursery when we found out I was pregnant..( note: with Aubrey 2 years ago...don't make me choke at the thought of being pregnant again!!)
We picked out all the perfect paints and bedding, lamps and furniture. We put every piece in it's place and waited for little Miss to make her arrival. Once she was born and came home, I was so excited to show her, her new room. It was perfect!! When we got ready to go to bed that night, I was nervous about not hearing her cry, even though we had a monitor and her room was next to ours... So we put a bassinet in our room, and that's where she slept. After a couple of night of this, on the 3rd or fourth night home, I noticed that while nursing her in bed I would doze off and forget to put her down in her bassinet. Don't worry the bassinet was up against the bed. She wasn't rolling off into the floor or anything...
I also noticed that we (she and I) slept better and for longer periods! Goal! That was perfect, so I continued to nurse her, then hold her or lay her next to me and sleep each night.. Until we went to the doctor for a check-up at 1 month.. He asked how her sleeping was and I said Great!! I said she was sleeping about 7 hours straight at night! He was floored! He said babies don't do that and asked if something was not right about her sleeping. I explained what happened and I thought he was going to pass out...here's kinda how that conversation went:
Doc: "she sleeps with u???" totally dumbfounded voice!
Me: "yeah, it's a great nights sleep for all!" excited about my new sleep discovery.
Doc: " I can't tell you what to do with ur baby, but I can tell u that I have seen too many parents roll on their babies, smashing them, or suffocating them accidentally in the sleep"
Me: tears are rolling by now...(stupid hormones!) " I'm so sorry, I'd never hurt her! I swear!!"
Doc: "just make sure u put her in her own bed at night, and you'll be fine", confident in her bursting of my new mom bubble...
We left that day scared out of our minds.. Hell, we thought we had done something amazing, worthy of writing a book or something... Apparently, wrong!
That night was HORRIBLE! She wanted to sleep and cuddle with me so bad... None of us slept!! This went on for a few days, and I finally broke down and brought her little lamb swing in the bedroom. She had taken several naps in it, and seemed worth a try. Score points for me! It worked great! She slept soundly all night! This continued until she was 11 months old!! After realizing that my small fry was getting too big for her swing, I decided to break her of it and put her back in the crib..(when I say back, I mean first time, since we had never used it and it had been set up all along..)
Sidenote: we had also moved at this time and she no longer had her own room.
The crib trying did not go over well.. She would scream and cry the second I laid her in there, no matter how sound asleep she was.
She napped in it just fine, until one glorious day, when I heard a thud during naptime, followed by crying...
I ran in the room to find her, hanging for dear life like a monkey from the side of her crib! How could she climb out?? There was nothing for her to stnd on, and the bed was ALL the way down! Somehow she managed! I rescued her and laid her in my bed.. Went right back to sleep!
I decided to take her crib and convert it to a toddler bed, I mean, if she could climb out it wasn't safe anymore. She slept like an angel in there for 3 nights! Glorious sleep for mommy!!
On the forth night I woke up to something laying on me...I kinda "moved it around" thinking it was the cat! Ha! I turned on the lamp to check on A... She was not in bed! My heart sank! I turned on the overhead light and jumped up! Then I saw the covers moving and the cat was on the floor.. I moved to find my Lil lady all cozy sleeping. She had climbed in bed with me. That's been the norm ever since! She goes to bed in her bed, and I wake up she's in mine!
Well, we recently decided she needs her own room, and so do we! I'm tired of breaking my ankle everytime I get up on the 1,000,000 toys in the floor. So let the remodel of the "storage room" across the hall begin! We are currently on the dryway stage, so pics to come!!! I can't wait to decorate her big girl room and for her to have her own place to sleep and play and have all of her own stuff!!! :-)

Valentine's Day 2011

Valentines Day is usually looked at by most as a "store holiday", but I Love the day! It's really a sweet day, and seems like a great day to go the extra mile to the one you live, just how much they mean to you! :-) it's not about how much you spend on a gift, but what you do for the other person. Usually Nick gets me some flowers and a sweet card, so I was really expecting a "gift" this year. But he surprised me!! :-)

My adorable card from Lil A

New hair!

So I finally got around to doing something with my hair!! Love it!!! I went from dull, to brownish-red with blonde highlights!! It's a little punk rock style, but I'm loving it right now!!

Freezin' for a reason!!

So I did it!! I took the Polar Bear Plunge!! It was a chilling 29 degree on February 5, 2011... But I raised the money for Special Olympics and with 267 other crazed people we jumped in Lake Boutin at Trail of Tears!! It was so thrilling and a real rush! Can't wait to do it again next year!!!

A little of this and a little of that...

So I haven't Posted in awhile... so here's some tidbits to catch up...

1. Aubrey has started calling me Mommy instead of just Mama all the time.. It makes my heart melt! :-)

2. I have started working a little PRN at Jackson Hewitt during tax season, I do the internal auditing for them, it's nice to get away and have conversations with other adults sometimes. Plus it let's me make a little money for me! But I do miss my baby!!

3. This semester is the hardest by far... I feel like all I do is homework and study... I don't have time for hardly anything else... Makes for a hard weekend of trying to fit everything in...

4. I have a professor that is lazy!! I will e-mail him and call him, but he never calls back and his e-mail only say "read the directions again"... Thanks jackass! If it was that simple I would have done it... I feel like I got more help in high school when I didn't pay an arm and a leg for my tuition... I know u don't get paid what u think u should, but u are getting paid to teach me... And frankly u suck at it!! Oh yeah.. Did I mention it's an online class... Even better huh?!?

5. Aubrey has learned that when she poops she gets more attention and everybody makes a big deal about it.. So when she's being cranky, she starts screaming " I poo poo!" over and over until someone checks and then she laughs... Not funny...

6. She has also started to learn he ABC's b/c she goes around singing something like this.." A B C D.. G E P c d e p"... Lol! Not quite the right order.. But soooo cute!

7. Having her toe nails painted is also now mandatory! She saw my toes hot pink one day, & that was that! She went and found my nail polish and brought it to me! She even let my (future) Sis-in law Megan ( Aka.. An Meggie.. As A calls her! Ha!) put cotton between her toes and give her a pedicure! Too stinkin cute!!

8. Student loan checks should be in this week!!! Yahoo!!!

9. Still waiting on one of Nicks w2's... Come on already!!!! I want that refund! I've got bills to pay... And maybe a little shoppin to do!! ;-)

1 sheep, 2 sheep, 3 sheep.....

> I imagine if I had red hair, this might be what I look like right now....
>

1-23-2011

Things in life that are stressful to me....

1. Money
2. School
3. Work (sorta a job... More on that later)
4. Money
5. People in general
6. Money

Ok... Got that out of the way... Just thought to myself I needed to make a list ( that's my Type A, coming out) and now I can move on...
Right now I feel like I am stuck! For anyone who knows me, I have never been at a lack for words! Ha! That's laughable to even think about.. Me being speechless!! But really, there are things that I wish I could say out loud but I can't! Just for the sake of myself! I don't really know how to explain it, other than that! When there's something you want to be able to express but can't, because you are afraid to admit it to yourself even, makes it really difficult to deal with. Usually in these situations I would just talk to Nick, or call Lori or text Ali or Traci, but I can't even do that right now. I can't even come to terms with this myself so, how can I talk to anybody about it. My answer to this problem is just to pray about it, and let God handle it! :-)

Moving on... School is well... Interesting so far... I'm excited because I am actually getting to take some class that are medically related to my field of study! Yahooo! I think I can start to see a flicker of light at this loooonnnnggggg tunnel I've been in for school! But as soon as I get out of this tunnel the next one is right next to it... AKA: Grad school... But it will all be worth it in the end!! Right!?!? Hello??!?!? Anyone???

I would also like to just throw in there that I do appreciate all if u..(1 or 100) that read this and give me some feed back! It's nice to know that my friends and family really do care what's going on in my life and know when I need some support they are always there for me! I love u guys!!
:-) <3

And because a blog with no pictures is boring....

My rockstar baby, always chic and fashionable!

Different Places....

Disclaimer: Okay..I realize that this post will probably have some of you judging me, but with the chance of sounding like a royal bitch, I feel that NO ONE is me, except me, and no one knows what I am feeling and going through right now, so this is just a post to vent for me, and I promised to be open and honest about my life, and this is part of it right now.

I feel that I am living a bi-polar lifestyle right now. There are 2 sides to me right now...not that I am two-faced, but more like two-people. It's really hard and confusing at the same time.
There is this side of me:

 The Wife

 The Mother

The Family Woman

and I LOVE this life. My family means everything to me I wouldn't change being her Mom for anything. She is my everything and my whole world.

Now...... I am 25 years old and got married VERY young (19). I don't have a regret about getting married young, I just have the regret of not living life to the fullest everyday. Maybe being married so young has something to do with that, because I had to "grow-up" so fast. I had a full time job, and bills, a mortgage, car payments, and all the other crappy responsibilities that come with being an adult. I didn't really get the chance to be immature and irresponsible. That's where life comes into play now.
I'm craving that. I want to go out and have fun. Party with my friends and have no worries. But the issue is I can't! I DO have responsiblities, if nothing else, to be a Mom first and formost.  I know that life is in the past, and I can't go back to it completely, but I'm having a hard time understanding, why there can't be a compromise between the 2.
If I have a responsible person  I trust to take care of Aubrey, and I'm not out doing stupid or illegal stuff, it's tough for me to not be able to go.
The other thing is that even though Nick and I are onlly 2 1/2 years about, I feel like we are at totally different places in our "social lives". Nick has been sober for 4 years now, and I am soooo proud of him for that. This has nothing to do with that, except that for all the years before that, I was there for him, while he partied and lived it up. I never got my turn to live it up. I think a part of me feels like it's my turn now. Maybe that's selfish of me, but I only have one life and I want to live it to it's fullest.

Anyway, like I said.... judge me if you want, but you have NO IDEA what I am going through right now.


PS:   I will try to get Christmas and New Year's up soon! :-)