I feel that I am living a bi-polar lifestyle right now. There are 2 sides to me right now...not that I am two-faced, but more like two-people. It's really hard and confusing at the same time.
There is this side of me:
and I LOVE this life. My family means everything to me I wouldn't change being her Mom for anything. She is my everything and my whole world.
Now...... I am 25 years old and got married VERY young (19). I don't have a regret about getting married young, I just have the regret of not living life to the fullest everyday. Maybe being married so young has something to do with that, because I had to "grow-up" so fast. I had a full time job, and bills, a mortgage, car payments, and all the other crappy responsibilities that come with being an adult. I didn't really get the chance to be immature and irresponsible. That's where life comes into play now.
I'm craving that. I want to go out and have fun. Party with my friends and have no worries. But the issue is I can't! I DO have responsiblities, if nothing else, to be a Mom first and formost. I know that life is in the past, and I can't go back to it completely, but I'm having a hard time understanding, why there can't be a compromise between the 2.
If I have a responsible person I trust to take care of Aubrey, and I'm not out doing stupid or illegal stuff, it's tough for me to not be able to go.
The other thing is that even though Nick and I are onlly 2 1/2 years about, I feel like we are at totally different places in our "social lives". Nick has been sober for 4 years now, and I am soooo proud of him for that. This has nothing to do with that, except that for all the years before that, I was there for him, while he partied and lived it up. I never got my turn to live it up. I think a part of me feels like it's my turn now. Maybe that's selfish of me, but I only have one life and I want to live it to it's fullest.
Anyway, like I said.... judge me if you want, but you have NO IDEA what I am going through right now.
PS: I will try to get Christmas and New Year's up soon! :-)
Actually, I know what you're going through exactly. We got married at 20 and was pregnant w ty 3 months later. I'm 24 years old and a mom to two. I feel old when I shouldn't. Military life most of our friends have at least one kid so usually we scrapbook, have pot luck playdates don't get me wrong I love that stuff, but I'm not 35! I'm also trying to find a happy medium. Parties at home after the kids are in bed, date nights, once a month night outs where'd the girls drink & go dancing, bull-riding, etc I know how you feel though. (Hugs)
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