There are so many different type of "parenting types" & every parent thinks theirs is the "right" one, including myself. I will be the first to admit that I don't judge other parents on the way they choose to parent and raise their own children, after all I sure don't want anyone telling me how to raise MY daughter. LOL!
I will be very open with the "type" of parenting we practice in our house. I'm very proud of my decisions and think that my daughter is turning out amazing. This is what works in MY house. Not everyone (or maybe anyone?) for that matter will agree with what we do, and that's okay. I may not agree with what they do, but it's their right as a parent to choose the things they do or don't do.
Moving on..here is just a few of the major things that we "practice" in our household when it comes to raising our
Breastfeeding: I am a HUGE advocate for this. Any doctor will also agree that breast milk is the best option for babies. I breastfeed Aubrey until she "weaned" herself, which happened to be 22 months. It was the most wonderful experience for both of us, and I feel that part of her advanced intelligence is due to that. Also, the fact that she has had a kick butt immune system thus far.
I was blessed to be able to stay home with her for almost all of that time, so she never had a bottle touch her lips, but if someone isn't as blessed (and I won't have a choice but to work, if we ever have another child) I completely believe in pumping breast milk only until at least 1 year, and further if the child wants to.
Another aspect of nursing is the "public/privacy" issue. I firmly support breastfeeding in public, there are plenty of ways to be "modest" about it without flashing out your boobs for the world to see. Trust me, I nursed Aubrey at the dinner table in the middle of a restaurant more than a few times, and not a single person, even Nick, knew what I was doing. They just assumed she was snuggled in her wrap. ;-)
I don't believe in someone sitting in public with their chest exposed for everyone to see. I for one, don't want to see a bunch of "topless" women walking around, and don't want my child or husband being exposed to it either. I'm not saying you need to have a massive quilt over you, or suffocate the kid trying to hide what you're doing, but there are plenty of ways to not expose yourself. It may take some practice, or you may have to excuse yourself away to the restroom to get situated, but it is more than acceptable to feed your child, while eating yourself, wherever you are. :-)
Co-sleeping/Non-sleep training: From the time Aubrey was born she slept with me. She stayed in the bedside bassinet one night & neither of us rested at all. Half way through the night she & I fell asleep nursing and we slept the entire rest of the night peacefully. I got all sort of hell from doctors and parents (and anyone else who thought their opinion mattered to me!) but I will stand by my decision. I had a baby that slept 8 hours at 2 weeks old, and 10-12 hours overnight by 6 weeks. I'm not sure we would've made it any other way. I believe that if a child (being infant or toddler) is crying, it is because they need something. It is a way of communication. I'm not downing anyone that sleep trains or anything. Again, it's what worked for me.
Induction & invasive birthing: I will just openly say, I pretty much hate the hospitals around here for the way they handle pregnant women and labor/delivery. I'm not downing the staff (get your panties out of a wad.) but the procedures and protocols that they are taught to follow. A women is perfectly fine to remain pregnant to 42 weeks gestation. It may seem like the end of the world to wake up pregnant again for another day after 9+ months of misery (yeah, I was that miserable pregnant girl with all the weird complications that I never let them do anything invasive about). But the body will naturally go into labor when it's ready. I understand not all cases are "naturally" going to be able to go to that point (more on that in a minute) but most all cases should. All this, "I'm tired of being pregnant, let's induce at 37 weeks" is crap! I personally have known of WAY too many women that went in to be induced early "just cause" and ended up having a c-section and baby probably in the NICU, because they tried to force the body into labor, unnaturally. It is my honest opinion, but Pitocin is the devil. Seriously, the stuff is man made to resemble oxytocin (the natural hormone that produce contractions of the uterus...labor.) It's NOT THE SAME THING, it is a synthetic version. Anyway, I know that pitocin needs to be used after birth sometimes to cause uterine contractions to help reduce bleeding, but that is a totally different story.
Back to the special cases, there are numerous things that can put your pregnancy and unborn baby into distress or danger if not delivered sometimes. Thru good prenatal care and close monitoring by any practitioner (doctor, FNP, midwife) the signs would be noticeable and be able to be dealt with. I still personally believe there are different ways of "inducing" labor than just jumping on the Pitocin pump. There are medicines that can dialate the cervix, you could have the membranes stripped, or even breaking the bag of waters in extreme case is acceptable, but unless it's a drastic situation, Pitocin should be avoided at all costs.
Finally the big one......
SPANKING: This issue gets me more grief and backlash from others than anything.
We choose NOT to spank our child! It's my right to choose to not hit my child, as a form of "punishment". I'm sure that it works for some, and I know that people have been doing it for years, but I don't. I was spanked as a kid, and I'm still alive and fine, I get that, however, I have vivid memories of being afraid more than once because I knew the punishment was a spanking. (Please get off the high horse and don't think for one second I'm saying or insinuating that my parents beat me or abused me or anything. I had an amazing childhood and my parents did a great job putting up with my crazy butt for all the years. They taught me to be independent and have goals as well as be humble and appreciative.) This is not about abuse or anything of the sort, this is about the emotions that I felt then. I never want my daughter to feel that if she disappoints me that it will be physically taken out on her. (again, this is not the way it actually was with my parents, but rather the thoughts I had back then)
I have had great success with my daughter in having what we call "Big girl talks". I calmly remove her from the situation and get on her level and ask her why she is doing or saying whatever it is. Then I explain to her that it is not the right way or thing to do/say. I explain why it's not okay to act like that and then ask her if she understands. I then have her repeat back to me what is wrong with the behavior to make sure she understands. I then hug her and tell her I love her, and only want to teach her the right way. That is step 1. If she continues to act out, I tell her that we will be taking a "time out/ time away" if she doesn't stop. If it still doesn't work, then we take a timeout together. It's not a fun time, but I usually sit with her in silence for a few minutes to calm down (both of us) and then we have the "big girl talk" again about why we took the time out. After all I'm not timing her out from life, just the situation that was causing the problem. Being truthful I don't always sit with her, but mostly.
http://www.merriam-webster.com/ has the following definitions:
Hitting: 1a : to reach with or as if with a blow
b : to come in contact with
c : to strike (as a ball) with an object (as a bat, club, or racket) so as to impart or redirect motion
2a : to cause to come into contact
b : to deliver (as a blow) by action
c : to apply forcefully or suddenly
3: to affect especially detrimentally
4: to make a request of
Spanking: to strike especially on the buttocks with the open hand
— spank noun
Notice that both definitions have the word "strike" in them, yet others try to tell me there is a difference in "hitting" and "spanking". Physical contact is physical contact. If you strike, it's a strike, plain and simple.
I'm not going to judge you if you spank your kid, but don't judge me if I don't. I'm not some weirdo hippie mom that let's my child get by with anything. Trust me, we have plenty of discipline, just not physical striking. She looses TV time, looses playtime or free time and gets removed from fun things when needed, but spanking/hitting/striking is just not an option for me.
For the people that think that "God created spanking", I will (to put this respectfully and politely) disagree...(I'm being too nice. You brought God into, I should be able to tell you off, but I asked all of you to be respectful, so I'm leading by example. Ha!)
So why do I feel the need to write this out??
Well, I'm tired of being put down for my choices as a parent. It's simple. I have my way, you have your, but which of us is "right"? We both are. We both know what is right for our child/children. We both know what works in our house. I may not agree with you, and you probably don't agree with me, and that's okay, just don't put me down for it & I will do the same respect for you and your choices.
It's so difficult for those of us that do choose to parent the way I do. It's not the "norm", so it's wrong. Well, it's not wrong, it's just not the "norm". Hopefully, one day people will be more open and accepting to "alternative" parenting and it will no longer be "alternative". Until then, I will continue to make the correct choices for my family and will stand behind them 100%!
No comments:
Post a Comment